Hmmm...

Have you ever wondered why you were drawn to an area, a subject or even to a person? I ponder this daily. As I sit on my porch and stare into the vastness of space, feelings hit me. I crave these areas that I'm drawn to. I crave this future that seems so bleak. A future that surely will bring misfortune to me. But I'm still drawn to it. Excitement sweeps over me when I think about a tsunami hitting or a super storm sweeping across this planet. I don’t want to see the death of millions. Still my desire for this event is strongly present. So I need to look inward, I need to understand why I desire these grave future events. What I have found is hope. The hope that we, as humans, have. How wonderful the blue sky looks after a terrible storm, how calm and peaceful the sea appears. Seeing a single flower still standing in the midst of rubble. I see reenactments of these images in movies. I'm not overcome with fear. It's calming and it makes me feel safe. When I dream, I dream of these terrible events and sometimes I'm scared, but in the end, I feel a stronger hope. Many of you out there could say that my peace is due to the Lord’s love, but I don’t feel that this is the case. I understand the Lord’s love deeply and this peace that overcomes me is different. I do not fear death and I do not hope for my own demise.

As I stand on my mountain, I can hear the whispers of the ocean tides. I can image the waves cresting these blue peaks. I can hear the wind blow and see the clouds dance. Something is calling us, trying to tell us a secret we are missing out on. We are missing the forest for the trees. If only more of us could translate the language of the trees. They warn us, warn us of storms, drought, and of the sorrow they feel when destroyed. Here I sit again, thinking of this beautiful world we helped to shape. This lovely Mecca of human intellect and it will be gone. All gone one day. The flowers will poke holes in our highways and kudzu will cover our capitals. As I write these words, I think of the sight of seeing miles of cities covered with green overgrowth. This again strangely brings a smile to my face. Not because I want to see the destruction of my civilization, but because this image is burning into my mind that life will continue. Our lives are bond by time. Time does not start or stop, it is always in motion. It never began and it will never finish. Our souls see time as paused. Paused like the hands on your grandfather's old watch, waiting for that fateful day for someone to pick it up, admire its beauty, its craftsmanship, its memories and whined its gears.

Why tonight? I'm not sure why the 30th of January of this year of Two-Thousand and Six inspires me to write my words down. It may be that a pending event is upon us. I pray that this is not true. I have just as much to lose as everyone else, but it’s also different. I wish I could explain, but I still do not understand completely. I know that if and when I'm standing at those pearly gates, I will yield my spot to someone else. I belong here on earth, it is what runs through my veins and it is the life that is in my blood. I regress; maybe this post is to remind everyone to remember what is important in life. Tell your son, your daughter, your brother, sister, mother and father, heck tell your best friends what they mean to you. Today is never too soon, but tomorrow could be too late.

Lost if only together

There are times in life when I'm lost in this time we call our own. We began to follow paths that we think we should be on. Then the night falls and we began to star graze. The night sky becomes our playground we dance with the stars. Fearful of the morning light not want to return to our aimless journeys toward the asphalt. Here I sit in the first stages of dawn wondering if my adventures are worth the lonely path I must lead. But, then again i'm I alone? Did my wayward journeymen miss a step; all I need to do is give them the time to find me?

It was an evening I shared with the sun. Dancing with the shadows, seeking the knowledge of nothingness. This is when I discovered gin. Juniper berry flavored my salvation. All I had to do was slow down. If speed kills, then speed also blinds us from our own truths. We were fool enough to almost be it, but cool enough to not quite see it. Simple lies tell us truths that we are unwilling to understand. As rain begins to wash the tears from your eyes, you wake up to realize that everything is only real because it is how you choice to see the world.

I'm thinking there are reasons why i crave the safety of the darkness. See most journeymen fear the unknown, so in turn they fear the darkness. I on the other hand love the adventure of twists and turns, never knowing where our path will lead us. I just get lonely like any weathered traveler would get. So tonight I seek the truth. If not the truth, then the protective shadows of a think pine grove. Fading in and out of a strange likeness of you. A you that I dont currently know. I've stated before I seek a muse. Someone to remind me of the beauty of the sunrise. Remind me that the dawn mirrors the dust. I can enjoy both forms of Black and white. I can see the world through a different set of eyes. Someone to caffeinate my slumbering emotions. You can place your hands in mine. You will follow, You will lead, we will walk stride for stride, step-by-step equal together, side-by-side, toward the fading light.

-out-

I should be charging you for this trip

See way back in the day, when being a real person had a point, before I understood life better. I let petty shit bother me. I let the world around me effect my mood. This is also before i discovered gin. So, where to begin. I should began at the end. The snow is a gray colours, that is due to the the amount of shit us american waste on a day to day basis. But, I regress. Sometime it takes a little bit of rum for me to open my eyes and see all the truth that i missed. I miss you, I miss you.... again i resort back to the past and the past is only a memory I want to have a future, The truth with no strings, no lost memories, no nothing,, its the year of 6..

Have u ever sat on top of a mountain looked in the distance, seeing the mountain range, and wondering how you could be so lost. Sometime though I think that being lost is the greatest gift that could ever be given. When your lost you dont know where to turn, where to go, but you can be completely unfocused. U can live. I mean really live. Only when I lost in the woods can i see my path clearly. off the beaten trail that everyone takes, finding your path, everyone see a different path to blaze. Sometimes in life we are lucky and someone will be joining us on this journey of the spirit. But, alas then there is me, sometime I just want to be such the explorer that i forget to talk with my wayword companain. Love is the only thing that is real. I know that many may disagree. But, tell me something in this world that doesnt involve love somehow? Money, the love of power. Power? the love of control. see its all connected. we are all connected with nothingness. Find you trail in the woods my friend. I miss you.. yes I do. Almost ever ten or 15 mins i think about it. I think about a lot of random shit I cant remember so why can i remember thinking about u? This is something thing i think i can only connect to love. All I think about is you.

Lost in the stars everynight. Wondering how they look upon us. See how we are so many miles apart. Feeling the night falling around me, the blackness, the darkness, the only true. Pain, sorrow, longing. Awake. Finding an another way to silence that burning desire of missing you. Some say there are things worth dying for. I have found those things. But, does that mean then I must die alone.... Longing for that moment of paradise that I once had in my finger tips, but sadly let the wrath of the world rip from me. These are my words. the only way I may express this emotional build up I have trapped inside of me. Bury the past, cause I dont want to pay.

The night, my time that I share with the darkside of the world. This is when I can truly understand how to dance. How to know the side of myself that scares simpletons. Its the dark water that draws me near, the haunting sounds of the lost ocean waves crashing on the the baren mountain sides. Seeing your shadows strectch out over the landscape. Understand the power you have to in-ter-"fear" with everyones every day life. Do you not understand the power of the heart beat? Its you heart beat I hear in my dreams. These dreams whisk me away to a tropical island where I'm alone with only your memory. I can almost feel your touch, I can almost feel your breathe. I can almost feel your pain. I can support your getaway. I can help you escape, I can make you lose that feeling of being alone. we can be happy in the little of world of your arms. You bring everything I love about shadows. we can wonder blindly in this darkness together. I just dont know how u control my ever actions. I will be there in your dreams, you can feel me cant you. cant you. Fallening away from the sun, fallening away from the gravity that holds me to this plane of reality. I close my eyes, and i see this life, this life of songs or musik. a life of pain. a life of snow drifts hiding the true contours.

Eyes open I can see only the dark sky. The burning embers of a painful world. Fireflies trapped in the mason jars. Thunder without the lightning dancing across the red coloured skies. And what if tomorrow was the last song? Would you miss this love? Miss this gentle breeze of joy, i sweep across your cheeks?

In closing, the sound of thunder bring a smile to this year of 6. There isnt much better then a winter storm when you have a hundred dollars of liquior in the liquior cabnet. If only you were here, enjoying the darkness, listening to the wind's whispering secrets, holding you. Gazing in your eyes. Lost in the passion of your body... Loving you...

-out-

post script: I should be charging you for this trip...