Lost....

Has anyone else in this world wondered why they feel like everyone uses them? I guess its just maybe me? Who know, maybe its my niceness, or my lack of getting really angry about things? Maybe its just cause i'm a fucking sucker? Who know? The thing is. It never just one person I can pin down and blame them for using me. It's normally all my friends, all the people around me. Do I fucking have something written on my forehead? WTF? But, here is my twist, will I ever say anything to anyones face about it? NOPE why cause really its not important enough for that. It just my meaningless rant about shit. I guess I just need to live with this fact. Since I'm on this little rant, what i'm i lacking in this world? Why do I play 2nd to everything? I'm the 2nd friend, the 2nd in relationship, the 2nd in fucking line? I talk so big about wanting to be the center of attention all the time, but normally I was to step outside of the lime light to let someone else shine? Why do I do this? Well this goes back to me just being me. If they really need that lime light, enough to steal my glory I guess they should have it. I will fight for what I want, but when is fighting just to much. Why cant I get the kindness I share back in return? Why cant I find a single soul that understands me? Someone who doesnt want to improve me, change me or make me something I'm not. I dont want to change ppl, I know, I know sometime my advice is to change, but that is advice if you dont change I wont dislike you any less. As stated in an earlier blog if I like you now for who ever you are, then I like you period. So someone out there, maybe a stranger, maybe a new friend, a long lost friend, or maybe one of my closest friends tell me what is so wrong with me, what i'm i doing to let all of you walk on my like a floor mat? Why i'm I single? What i'm i missing? How can i be lonely when I'm suround by ppl? Why does it have to hurt this much, and why is the desire of the sharp warm pain of the crimson elixcer leaking from my body a welcoming feeling?

.... Lost as always!

M-Day Weekend 2006

This is to everyone who doesnt understand me. I'm a doom and gloomer. I love to ponder the depths of nothingness. I love to think about the end of the world and how peaceful it is. Don't take this away from me.... Just think about this. We live everyday dead inside. We dont think about shit, we just go to work, wake up or do our own things, and forget to live. If you had only moments to live you would feel alive, alive like you never felt before. This is the buzz I get with my end of world thoughts. I dont seek out death, and do not wish it on anyone. I just like to live in the fanasty world from time to time. I want to remember that we only get to play in this world for a very short time. I want to play.... I dont want to get catch up in the normal boring shit of day to day. I want to see sunrises, the wind make the grass dance, I want to feel the cold rain on my cheaks as i free my wet ass off. I want to watch the sun dip behind the mountains. If the world as we know it ends in 3 mins, that is fine by me. I tried to enjoy my last moments. I could have done more, I could have done less. I bid you all my friends good morrow, Say we all awake to a grand and gloryous day, or saw the shadow of darkness be upon, either way just remember to live tomorrow, try something new, fuck ur everyday worries. Your time has arrived!!!

-out-

0000 6.6.6

Wrong or Right

Let me begin with, Something just does not feel right! I trust my feeling completely. Ive done this for years, and now with my druid training I understand more about trusting yourself.



Right now is Sunday 6.4.6 around 9:45am EST for the past two days something has been off. Now, my personal life right now is in the best shape its been in, in years so I cant blame it on personal experiences. Ive had a few dreams, typical everyday dream with a twist. An Evil twist. Now, normally this wont bother me. I have a deep respect for evil. It has its place in the world, and is just as important as good. But, this evil in my dreams is overpowering. It makes me wake up shaking. Then, I see it in the faces of everyday people on the streets. I hear it in their voices on the phone. Believe what you may about 6.6.6 even if it is just a number, it is still powerful enough to make people think twice about it. Maybe, as Im doing blame it for things. But, all of us who dont let it go by as just another typical day are giving it power. I respect power. I will give it, it space. I will also not be leaving my house on 6.6.6. I just throw Gloom and Doom Parties. J Which I may now be rethinking. This feeling in me is something stronger then all the other times I get the bad vibe. Its a deeper chill. Image this. Taking that cold gulp of winter air, feeling it freeze your lungs, then while it penetrates your inner chest you have the post fear jitters. Where your hands are shaking just a tad. That is what Im feeling like.



Right or Wrong I just thought it was important to throw it out there.



Cheers